2nd time around

I don't know if I was cut out to be a mom.  I don't know how other moms do it.  They are like super moms in my eyes.  How are the dishes always done, laundry always folded AND put away, new menu every dinner and get their child(ren) in bed at a decent hour? I want to believe that they're either lying or it's just like that when I visit.  I think if I can do two of the four just listed, it's a good day for me.  And almost 99% of the time, it's the dishes and kiddos in bed by 7:30.  And both for selfish reasons - so I can have a clean plate for my dinner and some freedom to catch up on the Kardashians or K.Dramas.  I could barely keep this blog up to date with one rambumctious boy and now that I have two (although, from the looks of it so far **crossing fingers/toes, praying**, Gavin seems much more mild-mannered and mellow than Owen) - I don't even know where what letters are on keyboards.

It has been almost a year, a YEAR, since my last post.  Eesh..i've got to stop doing the dishes and use my spare time more wisely. 

Anyway - without having to explain, much has happened since I last visited my blog.  We welcomed our second son, moved into a bigger space (although, it still looks like we're in the midst of a move if you were to see the place), Albert is at a different job/property, and I'm permanently stuck at 140 lbs.  But some things never change even in 9 months.  We still walk around like zombies wishing we knew what it felt like to wake up past 7am. 

The entire 9 months of my pregnancy with Gavin, I was consumed with fear the most.  Of course I was happy, excited, grateful, etc.  But I have to admit, fear trumped them all.  I won't lie - I even cried a couple of times to Albert about how scared I was.  Albert works nights and Saturdays.  He comes home at 11pm on good days. That pretty much means I'm a single mom.  Being a single mom to one kiddo is tough.  Going to the market, park, preparing dinner, feeding him, cleaning up, bathing them, reading to him, putting them to bed all.by.myself....that is not an easy task even for one day, let alone every single day/night!  All of this with a newborn.  I tell ya - FEAR was this dark cloud over me, pressing on my shoulders the entire 9 months of my pregnancy.  And I thought if Gavin is anything like Owen - forget it.  I will find a window to jump out of.

Owen wasn't a terrible newborn.  He was not colicky or anything.  But he was a terrible sleeper from day 1.  And I think that has a lot to do with spending lots of days and nights in the NICU and PICU.  As soon as I'd put him down in his bassinet, Owen woke up every 20 minutes and I had to make multiple trips back to his bassinet to put him back to sleep, and we'd literally tip toe ourselves to bed next to him.  The child wanted nothing to do with putting himself back to sleep.  And naps?  Forget it.  Owen hardly ever napped even as a newborn.  So I knew it was game over if Gavin was going to be like Owen.

But whaddayaknow. Gavin is the most mellow, well-sleeping baby I could've asked for.  And this time around, I tried things I didn't with Owen.  Like pacifier, feeding on demand, not obsessing over every detail like letting him sleep in the car, stroller, etc.  I was so strict with Owen not wanting to deviate from my "plan" that I came up with after reading countless number of books that are just nonsense in retrospect.  Parenting is to each their own.  No doctor, author, sleep specialist knows other people's babies.  I threw all advice and "dont do's" out the window.  Gavin sleeps as long as he's full and/or paci's in his mouth.  And if it falls out, he'll wake up but puts himself back to sleep. 

We are just grateful to be blessed with a healthy baby.  It wasn't easy with Owen - the first 12 months...there are days I just do not want to relive.  Maybe because I had so much fear and anxiety that it just seems easier than what I had expected now that Gavin is here, and maybe it has to do with Owen being older, more mature, but 2nd time around has not been as crazy difficult as I had anticipated.  Thank the Lord!

Now, let me warn you...stop eating and/or hopefully you're not hungry right now.

Today, Gavin was just plopped on our couch, chilling as he usually does.  Then there was like a mintute of one explosion after another. 

This is just the FRONT of his diaper...there's more but I would like to protect my son's privacy.  He might kill me if he sees this 17 years from now.  I love Pampers.

Dear Owen...

Owen, mommy will start off with an apology first.  Mommy has been a lazy mommy lately.  There are about 863 things to do before your dohl party next month and mommy just checked off item #20.  843 more to go.  But don’t worry, Son.  I will do everything in my power to make your first birthday celebration the most fun, memorable, and cutest.  Even if that means getting 3 hours of sleep/day for the next 6 weeks. 

Here are some Owen-esque things mommy wants to remember and cherish forever:  

·         You are stubborn as heck and mommy has no one to blame but myself.  My genes are just too strong apparently.

·         You hate (that’s a very strong word but really…you hate it) milk from anything but mommy.  We have just about every brand/type of bottles, sippy cups, straw cups.  You hate milk from any of those.  Only from mommy.  So every doctor visit – mommy hyperventilates worried your weight/height are falling backwards.  But surprisingly, you’re a little leaner but taller than your peers.  Thank you for eating solids like it’s a competition because your milk intake is not the best.  You’ll be completely weaned soon so I’m really hoping you like cow’s milk. 

·         You just learned how to lay down to sleep on your own.  Watching you on the monitor sleeping while sitting was heartbreaking….but a little entertaining.  You bobble-head. J

·         You wake up 6am sharp.  No sooner.  No later.  6.  Can we work on pushing that back to 8 on wknds?  You no longer fall back asleep after 6am nursing like you used to so mommy’s day begins at 6am now, even on wknds. 

·         You love to climb everything.  Your favorite place to climb is mommy&daddy’s bed board.  You look like spider-man. 



Here you are after climbing our bed board...cracking up at yourself.



·         You crack up at yourself.  You make funny sounds and laugh at yourself. 

·         You find sneezes, burps, nose-blows, passing of gas all to be the funniest thing ever.  Mommy has caught you countless number of times falling and hitting your head while laughing after you hear one of those sounds.  You are such a boy.

·         You are the biggest mama’s boy.  BIGGEST.  Especially lately.  I cannot leave your sight unless I want to hear you have a meltdown.  No matter who’s holding you – you reach for me.  Owen, mommy’s not going anywhere! There will come a day when you don’t want to hang out with me so I cherish these moments now even if it’s tiring on mommy, dishes are piling up and toys are everywhere.  If mommy is your favorite toy – so be it.  You’re not a baby forever.

·         You don’t like people bothering you.  You don’t like people smothering you.  You don’t like kisses and affection.  You are just such a boy.  You'll be one of those boys that wipe their mouth after someone kisses you. You play rough and have absolutely no fear and let it be known when you don’t like something.

This is the look after someone's smothered you.

·         You like to do everything yourself.  You don’t want help turning the pages, grabbing something, opening something, fixing something.  You will drink out of the cup when you want, not when mommy gives it to you.  Again….mommy has no one to blame but myself.

·         You are an expert at hi’s and bye’s with different waves for both.  Daddy recently taught you ak-ssoo & hi five’s and he just wants all the credit.  

•  You are such a flirt. There is always a crowd of ladies whom you've hooked with your smile & dimples when we go out.  You smile at everyone.  Especially the ladies.

·         You love people watching.  I think you can sit at the park and watch the other kids run around playing for hours.

·         Your favorite play these days is giving&taking.  You always give me whatever you’re holding and I say “Thank you!” and give it back and we repeat this about 30 times and you can keep going.  Sadly, mommy can’t.  haha.

·         You love daddy’s golf ball.  Daddy bought you your own toy golf clubs & balls but you only want to play with the real ones.  You will make daddy the happiest if you grab the golf ball at your dohl next month.  I will do everything to lure you to that green paper thing w/a grandpa’s face on it.

·         You love homemade jook/food.  Will not eat store-bought baby food.  I think they’re nasty, too so I don’t blame you.

·         It makes me so happy when people say you look like mommy.   There are moments when I think you look just like appa but I love getting validation from people that you look more like mommy J 

People ask mommy all the time when you will get a little brother or sister.  As much as we would love to get it all done and over with quickly, I just want to love you and only you for as long as I can.  You’re already the biggest mama’s boy.  I cannot imagine bringing a baby into your life asking you to spare some of the love, time and attention.  As you can see from the above Owen-esques – you have a strong, tough personality.  I wouldn’t want to mess with you if I were your little brother or sister so we’ll just stay as a family of 3 for now.  J  I love you Owen.  These last few weeks, I noticed how you “play” now vs just staring at and touching things.  Now you actually play with toys and friends and it’s just amazing to see how you change every day.  Mommy will kiss you thousands of times even if you wipe your mouth each time!  So get used to it!

going cloth

when i think of cloth diapers, i imagine the old school way of folding this big white cloth and using cloth pins and permanent stains and stinky mess.  how cumbersome and annoying, right?!  well, i guess i need to get with the times because cloth diapering these days are so not what i thought.

we tried cloth diapers these last 2 nights.  now i question why i didn't think to use these diapers sooner!  O's been suffering from terrible rash for over a week now.  and when i say terrible, i mean like raw, open skin, omg rash.  he's particularly more vulnerable to diaper rash because of his surgery.  we were warned about this by his doctors so it wasn't a shock or anything but still painful to see him in such discomfort.  i researched and bought just about every cream i read that worked that's only sold in tiny holes across the states.  i even switched to nature babycare diapers but besides just creams, gentler diapers and boycotting wipes, we wanted to check out cloth diapers.  before i go out and buy a truckload of cloth diapers, i thought we should try out a couple overnight.  well - now i'm ready to buy a truckload.  haha.  i just wish i had done so months ago before we wasted all this money on disposables.  besides just these bumgenius', there are so many cloth diaper options.  i'm still researching to educate myself on which cloth diapering way we should go but seeing how well bumgenius has worked out so far overnight, i will slowly transition O to cloth full time. 

thank God i don't hate doing laundry.  i just hate putting laundry away.  i onced had folded laundry sit on my couch for over a week. 

here is O playing w/daddy after work...i do not see his newborn face at all.  he looks so different now.  everyone used to say he's all ap but lately people have been acknowledging that O has my genes in him somewhere, too.  as SIL puts it "he's a hardcore combination of you and my brother".

approaching 6 months

i blinked once and owen's 6 months already.  it's amazing how fast babies grow.  i practically raised two of my cousins since they were newborns until they moved up north when they were in grade school.  they are now sophomores at NYU and high school.  when i think about that, i realize how old i got. i just saw them getting older, never realizing my age didn't exactly stop at 17.  now, i'm technically their ajooma.  after my next blink, owen will be entering high school, too.  it makes me so sad.  i want him to stay a baby forever.

i went shopping for a baby shower the other day for a baby girl.  man, it is so easy to lose control shopping for baby girl stuff.  i went overboard.  why are they just so darn cute?  would ap kill me if i bought owen a tutu?  probably.  everyone's already asking when we'll give owen a sibling.  can i take a breath first?  i would love a little girl (although ap shudders at the thought every time) to be BFF's with until i grow old and lose teeth and mind.  daughters will be there for you when you lose teeth & mind.  sons - once they get married, it's game over.  i need to train my son to not be one of those sons.  having a daughter is like getting insurance for when i get old!  but everyone says a brother is best for owen, daughter is best for mommy.  i guess it's a win win situation then.  but all of this is a LONG ways from now!  i don't have spare hugs and kisses and love right now.  they are all owen's.

there was some drama with childcare but God really takes care of us even through the panics and frustration.  owen goes to a nanny ajooma now and we couldn't have asked for a better person.  i worry all day hoping owen isn't a handful for her but she reassures me every time - he's not and she (and her twin girls) love him. 

owen has a BAD diaper rash.  my friend recently sent this amazing A&D cream they sell in Brazil.  it worked amazingly and the rash went away and then all of a sudden...it came back with a vengence.  i've slowed down on solids and decided to take a step back on introducing new menu.  but what i really should do is watch MY diet.  crossing my finger that his rash heals soon because his cries during pooping and diaper changes are outrageous.  i can handle it, but again...i worry that it's too much for ajooma.  i will be trying bag balm today.  heard it does wonders.

is it possible that a 6 month old outgrows his infant car seat already? we had to buy convertible car seats already. they are being delivered any day now. but geesh! this baby business doesn't come cheap! and can you believe - it took me 2 weeks of research to find what will work for us, our cars, and the best deals. i'm so indecisive and finding the best deal is a MUST for me, even if it's just a $5 difference. but i was confusing myself on what i was looking for and finding after 2 weeks. (i am my worst enemy!) we're also buying a new car before the end of the month so God, please let us win the mega million soon. I promise to donate 80%. really. i don't need all of it.
here are some photos of owen these last few weeks. his hair (or lack thereof) cracks me up.

ap thinks owen's a toy

ap rolled those sleeves...such a fob look





he loves sitting w/us in front of comp.  seriously - can i look any more gross?

cheeks galore

what's up wednesday

ahh~ hump day...don't you just love wednesdays?  hate to start off with such sarcasm but cut me some slack.  it's my first week back at work and i'm just glad i'm halfway through.  heck, i'm just glad i made it halfway without a major breakdown.  that is, unless you call bawling on my drive to work on monday a major breakdown.

random things on my mind & what's up on this wednesday...

• returned to work and everything's different.  i feel like a new hire.  practically everyone in my teams a) left to other teams/depts b) left to other sites or c) on maternity leave.  so everyone around me are new hires/contractors yet i feel like the rookie.  eh!
• pumping at work is working out thus far.  i haven't had a brain fart like leaving a bottle or shield or bags at home.  there's a lounge area in one of our restrooms where i can pump.  i was worried i'd have to pump under my desk so hallelujah!
• owen's decided to wake up at 6:30am all of a sudden.  starting monday.  and 6:30am is when i leave for work.  it's as if he knew & thought "mommy's going back to work & i'd like to see her before she leaves so she feels sadder than she does already."  he was getting up at 8 and all of a sudden...BAM 6:30! 
• we decided on pt daycare.  finding a nanny who is flexible to work around our weekly schedule was impossible.  in fact, finding a daycare willing to work with our changing schedule was nearly impossible.  owen's first day was on monday for only 2 hours.  i never sped so fast, weaving in & out of traffic that would make jimmie johnson proud.  omg did i just say jimmie johson?  i don't even watch nascar.  owen's second day at daycare will probably be this friday.  when will we ever get to commute like the jetsons?  will it happen in my lifetime?
• we have yet to do our taxes.  we never procrastinate this.  and this year we should be even more eager since we get a tax break w/owen.  but really...where do we find the time! 
• we MUST do our taxes pronto.  my employer reimburses part of daycare cost (yay!) and they want to see that tax return.  now we really have no excuses procrastinating.
• we're applying to go on the 3 year waiting list for a montessori preschool in irvine.  but i'm really wondering if it's worth it.  because when it comes down to it, whether owen goes to harvard or cypress college or anything else in between, all that matters is he's happy. 
• my new favorite drink is cranberry spritzer.  obsessed.
• my in laws are coming over this weekend to celebrate their favorite (and only) daughter-in-law's bday.  but really, who are they kidding.  they're coming over to see owen.  haha.  MIL will make me my favorite - soy sauce ddukboggi.  she asked what i wanted & that she'll make whatever i want.  my fave MIL dish is that.  i'm such a cheap date!  can i just express how much i adore & love my parents-in-law.  they really are like my real mom&dad, at times even more caring, loving, understanding than my own mother.  i've grown to become so comfortable yet more appreciative of them over the years.  seeing them giddy over their grandson is the most heart melting and has yet to get old on me.
• ok enough w/the sap.  i know i drive ap crazy all the time but i think yesterday tops it all.  i made him call/text me every hour for an update.  lol.  he is such a relaxed being whereas i am, well...need i explain? 

happy hump day!

back to work

i have returned to work.  i must say - man was the first day rough! 

but a tiny (teeeeny tiny) part of me feels good to have life outside of house and identity outside of 'mom'.  it's a bit liberating. 

pictures are worth a thousands words right?  too tired to talk about all the happenings as of late so here are some photos of mr. owen!  babies...my do they grow fast!

looking for mary poppins

i go back to work next month.  if i could have one super power, i always wanted to be able to do what evie did.

and i remember practicing it all the time when i was little, but my fingers never touched exactly at the tips as they should like evie.  not that that's why time didn't freeze for me.  i wish i can stop time, tap owen and ap so they can unfreeze and we can just spend hours and days on end without worrying about me going back to work in 4 weeks! 

we were thinking about putting owen in a daycare, but we only need someone to care for him 2~3 hours a day, 3 days a week.  we'd probably spend more time packing his things up, getting him ready, dropping him off at daycare than his actual time spent at daycare.  so our friend told us about hiring a PT nanny instead.  she used one for her first born daughter and loved it.  it was only a few hours a day and not only did her nanny care for S but also cleaned the house, did the laundry, shopped for grocery, and even had dinner ready sometimes.  HELLO!  and that's not all.  she taught S spanish!!  this was a few years ago so we're not sure she still works as a nanny but i asked our friend for her info pronto!  (my BIL speaks spanish so we agreed that he'd speak to Owen exclusively in spanish and throw in some german every now and then too.  we're hoping owen can be quad-lingual.  :)  it's worth an effort right?!)

i wish i was a billionaire so i can have 4 nannies and a house manager like camille grammer.  mind you, she only has 2 kids.  that's 2 nannies per kid.  and she doesn't work!  major envy!!  we're lucky if we can even get 1 good PT nanny for owen.  i liked the idea of taking him to daycare instead so he's not alone with some stranger, but after hearing what our friend had to say, i'm sold on the nanny idea.  owen will enter daycare when he's a little older and needs interaction w/other kids.  until then, i need to find a good (spanish speaking, crossing my fingers) nanny.  she doesn't have to cook, clean, shop.  just love owen like he's her own will do!  mary poppins where are you???

**super excited about tonight's RHBH reunion~!   i'm such a tv junkie it's scary.  i'm just grateful owen now goes to sleep on his own in his own room by 8 so i can watch all of my tv shows and actually pay attention without having to read their lips.