owen's first christmas

this year's christmas just came and went in the blink of an eye.  i think we were so wrapped up in taking care of a newborn, adjusting to his sleep/nursing schedules,  figuring out his little nuances, and handling all medical necessities and scheduling for owen kinda took us out of the holiday mood leading up to christmas.  but we also didn't feel the holiday spirit since we really didn't do much christmas shopping which really gets you in the mood.  most of our shopping was done over the summer and shopping w/a newborn is not that easy!  however, this year's christmas was extra special and Christ's birth date was celebrated with a grateful spirit than any other year thanks to this little guy.

ap's family came over this year for the gift exchange and dinner.  i think they'll travel across the country to come see owen everyday if they could.  :)  all of our family and friends just adore him and we get a kick out of seeing them fight for his attention and time.  everyone comments on what a good baby he is, never fussy or cries to be held and can just chill by himself or people crowding around him.  and his cries are just whimpers which are so cute, not real cries.  even when we visited our uncle's and my mom's recently, he went down for his naps so well.  with loud commotion and chaos outside the room, owen still went down for his naps and didn't make a peep until he woke up.  we had to keep checking on him thinking something was wrong. 

owen's also sleeping through the night now.  i put him down around 7:30 and he wakes up once around 1am to nurse and falls right back asleep until morning.  i still can't believe how easy and calm he is considering how uncomfortable his tummy must be.  we agreed with the ped to wait on sleep training until after the surgery and recovery.  but not sure if there is any real training to do seeing how good owen is already.  he will be transitioning to his own room and crib after the surgery though, so i'm sure there'll be some adjustments for everyone. 

here are some photos from christmas...wish i had taken some more with family instead of just owen by himself.  but can you blame me...i think i only have eyes for him lately!  :)

our mini tree.  it's served us so well for so long.  maybe an upgrade next year haha.

he laughs and coo's so much now!  cracks me up, wondering what he finds so amusing.

owen's already getting too big for 3mo outfits, especially length wise.  is that common?  ap thinks it's a sign he'll be tall.  i just think - crap!  we're running out of clothes! nb sizes don't fit at all now.

daddy has to shave everyday now

with gomo helen~

Owen's birth & etc...

it has already been nearly 7 weeks since Owen's birth!  where does the time go?  we remind ourselves everyday to soak all of these newborn days in.  baby years go by way too fast.  even the middle of the night waking and feeling like a zombie lately are blessing to us.  especially considering how Owen spent his first 10 days of life in the nicu at choc, we count our blessings and thank the Lord every.single.day.

labor and delivery was so much easier than i had expected.  i seriously psyched myself out so much during the last few days of pregnancy, preparing myself for the worst possible pain and torture known to mankind.  but yes, labor was painful at 5cm dilation until i asked for epidural.  smooooth sailing from there on!  i slept through most of the labor after that since i got the epidural at 11pm and delivered owen 11am the next morning.  i only had to push 4 times so the delivery was definitely short and sweet, which i thought was going to be a hellish experience.  in fact, it was one of the most amazing, lets-do-that-again sort of experience.  can't even describe in words what those 10 minutes of pushing to having owen in my arms felt like.  the nurse was more concerned about ap than me, giving him an oxygen mask and a chair since she really thought he was going to pass out.

now l&d was easy.  what wasn't so fun nor easy was what unfolded 24 hours later.  it's an experience no parent should ever go through and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone.  ap and i have been through some traumatic, heartbreaking experiences together but nothing can compare to what we went through the first few days of Owen's life.  but looking back at that night dr. bixby rushed us to choc for what they thought owen needed was an emergency surgery, it is a miracle to be where we are today. 

Owen is now almost 7 weeks old and we just got word today that his surgery is scheduled for Jan 7th.  Owen has been gaining weight, nursing, pooping (surprisingly, given his condition) very well.  there was a stretch of days when he did not pass stool on his own but lately, he's been amazing!  i cannot believe how strong, brave the lil guy is.  we're so thankful to have caught owen's condition of hirschprung's early so he doesn't have to suffer through childhood only to have the surgery later in his life, when he'll remember the pain and discomfort.  i thank God for giving me the maternal instinct to press for answers at hoag when i just knew something wasn't right even when everyone else, including the pediatrician, brushed it of as gas.  i don't like to think "it could've been worse", because we have seen what "worse" is in other newborns during those 10 long, grueling days in the nicu.  i told myself then that i'm not going to thank god that owen isn't like some of those other babies, because that's not fair to those other precious babies and their parents.  i just thank god that owen's still with us and pray for every single baby on that floor.

Owen - daddy and i are so grateful.  grateful that you are our child.  grateful that you are with us in our home. grateful that despite all of this, you are such a good, calm, gentle baby who is not fussy as you should be with such an upset belly.  thank you for choosing us to be your parents.  God couldn't have given us a better baby.  despite the little obstruction in your tummy, to us, you are perfect the way you are.  you have changed our lives in more ways than anyone can imagine.  not only because we are now parents but the past 7 weeks have taught us more life lessons than the prior 30+ years. all the things in life that we cared about before combined are so minute compared to the importance of your health and our family of three now.  it hurts us so much to watch you go through this, but because of this, we experience greater joy in watching you grow, having you in our lives.  it makes us appreciate and love you and each other even more. 

God has His Hands in everything.  i'm ashamed to admit that i recognize that only when things like this happen to slap me silly.  it's painful but truly humbling to experience the road bumps in our lives that God lays out and orchestrates.

here are some photos of owen! and a passage i came across recently so poignant and heartfelt, hitting close to home for us...

“I hear religious minded people say all the time with good intentions. ‘God will never place a burden on you so heavy that  you cannot possibly carry it.’
Really?
My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him.
‘My power is made perfect in your weakness,’ He says, as we strain under our burden.
Whatever the burden, it might indeed get worse, but know this-God is faithful. And while we change and get old, He does not. When we get weaker, He remains strong. And in our weakness and humility, He offers us true, lasting, transforming, and undeserved grace.”
-Greg Lucas

he's probably like 5 minutes old here :)

i never knew babies can clasp their hands like this, too!  he's praying~

hip hop owen w/mommy (man, i look exhausted!)

owen in the nicu.  choc staff is just amazing!

ap took this picture - owen loves touching his face when he sleeps!  his u/s picture at 20 weeks showed the same pose.

birth plan

i mean, really.  what the heck is a "birth plan"?  isn't the plan to just have the baby as swiftly, safely as possible?  especially this being my first pregnancy, how are first time mommies supposed to "plan" their birth when we don't even know what to expect?  at this point, i don't even know what real contractions feel like, let alone know what to do during labor & delivery.  my plan is simple - have the baby.

but my dr and hoag had asked me to complete their birth plan worksheet.  do i want a birthing ball in the room?  do i want to take a shower or bath during labor?  do i want a rocking chair?  who can be in the room during birth?  do i want pain medication?  uh....honestly - "i don't know" is the answer to all.  i don't know WHAT i want because i don't know what works and doesn't work for me.  so i hope the hospital doesn't stick to my yes/no answers like they're permanently engraved.

the only thing i am sure about is that i want to avoid going to the hospital early only to be sent back home.  i know that's not completely within my control since i might be such a sucker for pain that i think the baby's seriously about to come out and we rush us to the hospital only to find out i'm only like 1/2 cm dilated.  i want to avoid early medical intervention so would like to stay home as long as i possibly can.  but at the same time, i don't want to get to the hospital so late that it's too late for an epidural if i choose to take it.  damn~~ this is harder than memorizing SAT words!  how am i supposed to get this timed perfectly!

ap says i'm probably gonna ring for the anesthesiologist the second i feel contractions.  he obviously doesn't have confidence in my pain threshold.  but trust me, i am not gonna fight epidural off just to prove a point to my husband.  i don't care if my husband thinks i'm a sucker.  i'll ask for the meds on my terms.  no need to be a hero.  won't make a mom who delivered med free next door any better of a mom than me who might want to relieve not just myself from pain but people around me from pain when i wail like a 5 year old and curse like a sailor.  but my biggest turn off about epidural is that it'll prolong the labor process.  i'd rather get it over with short and not-so-sweet than long and sweet.  ah...we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

so just yesterday i was hoping this baby would come out like asap.  but ap actually did start his new job today so at this point, it really doesn't matter when the lil guy comes.  of course, i'd want him to come soon but my big fat reason wanting him to come like yesterday is no longer that fat.  ap's employer is aware that i'm ready to pop any second so they'll allow him to leave at my phone call.  he won't get paternal leave days since he just started but i think we'll be okay.  my mom will be staying with us for a couple of weeks so i'm sure we'll be in good hands.  what i am super excited about are possible upcoming vacations we'll be able to take w/o worrying about hotel cost!  i've already told him vancouver is on the top of my list since we had to cancel our anniversary trip 2 years ago. 

and i have accomplished my goal in getting salad bbang and mamma cozza.  i even devoured a large claro's sandwich on sunday.  so bad since deli meat is a no-no but it was soooo tempting and good!  and whenever ap orders wine or beer, i just take a big sniff and believe it or not, does somewhat satisfy me.

hopefully this is my last post before he's here!  not crazy about the idea of our parents driving in this rain to come to the hospital so i wouldn't mind if he decides to hold off for a couple more days.  just come out healthy lil man!

triggering labor...

i know i have 6 days left before my due date but dear God, please can he come out like...now?  please???!!!

i'm not unbearably uncomfortable or in pain or tired of being pregnant.  in fact, i feel perfectly fine.  well, okay, maybe not at 2am and 3am and every hour after that until 8am, when i get up to go pee and feel the aches & pains in my hips and bellly.  but other than the middle of the night aches, i feel darn good at 39 weeks+ pregnant.  and i don't mind getting to 40+ weeks b/c i know the safest place LO can be is in my womb.  however...i want him out.  for one big fat reason.  good (GREAT!) news is ap got offered the perfect job!!  the work hours/days, the perks, the potential - we count our blessings and thank the Lord every day.  with him finishing up school in december, timing couldn't be more perfect.  or could it?  the bad news is his first day at work will be either tomorrow (yikes) or this thurs or next monday. we'll find out today.  ideally - i'd want him to start next monday and the baby come like...tonight!  that way - ap can spend a week with the baby at home before starting his new job.  he won't get time off since it's a new job, so i REALLY need the LO to come like asap~!  so...how can i trigger labor?  i don't even feel contractions, just slight dull cramps at night for like 30 mins...that's it!

here are some labor triggering trickeries i've been told/read:

• i have been in major nesting mode.  cleaning, dusting, scrubbing, lifting, washing like crazy.  i heard that you get a burst of energy as you get closer to labor but i think my energy is working ot.  i can't even sleep at night.  i go to bed around 2am and can't really sleep sleep and next thing i know it's 9am and i'm up watching regis&kelly.  but i also heard lifting things and cleaning can bring on labor.  anxiety+impatience has made me mrs. clean lately.  i say this as i sit next to the vacuum i'll be using in like 5 mins
• i've always loved spicy food.  but i'm chomping on jalapenos and kimchi like never before.  in fact, i'm going to make some dduk bo ggi for lunch - a hella spicy one.  yea, i'll suffer from heartburn later tonight but that's what tums is for.  this trickery isn't too difficult to follow for me.
• herbal tea.  i've been avoiding caffeine but heck - if something as simple as a cup of tea will get my contractions going, i'm all over it.  we went to teavana yesterday and oh.my.gawd their youthberry tea is the most delicious treat!  i think i can chug a liter in one sitting.  so we brought home 2 large tins of youthberry and wild orange tea.  drank a cup this morning.  maybe i need to drink about 5 more cups today and hopefully i'll be holding a baby in 24 hours.
• i hate walking.  i used to drive to imperial burger right behind my house in bp.  ap tries to persuade me to walk to barnes&noble right next to our apt but he fails every time.  it feels like a whole city away although it's probably less than a mile away.  but i'm not myself lately.  i've actually been walking!  lately, i go to target, ikea, south coast, home goods, spectrum, costco and walk around for hours.  ok so that's "shopping" not "walking", but it involves walking, right?  at the end of the "walk", i try to feel if the baby feels lower.  no such luck yet.
• supposedly fresh pineapple can trigger labor.  i should call ap to stop by ralphs and pick some up on his way home.  any triggering trickery that involves eating - easy peasy!  
• ok warning...TMI.  so supposedly semen contains some kind of magical hormone that induces labor.  honestly, having sex is not that difficult.  c'mon...we're all human!  but (a big BUT) - when you're 39 weeks pregnant - any animalistic needs in that dept are so thin if not nonexistent.  since 3rd trimester rolled around, we're lucky if it happens once a week.  really - sex is not that fun when you're carrying a giant basketball.  however...i think this trickery is the most trustworthy since it's what i've read and heard the most, so if it means softening my cervix, bring it hubs!
• castor oil???  ok, i take back what i said about "any triggering trickery that involves eating - easy peasy!".  

ok...gotta go vacuum and drink another cup of youthberry tea with some pineapple then hit up target again, maybe walking there today and ap will get some action tonight.  at least one of us is thoroughly enjoying this waiting game.

any day now?

his head is down according to dr. s and the fetal distress test i took last wed.  i see the dr. every wed now until the due date which is exactly 2 weeks from today.  i cannot believe i'm 38 weeks.  i feel like i'll be pregnant forever.  it hasn't hit me that in as little as 1 day and as much as maybe 3 weeks, i will hold our little baby in my arms.

some quick random updates:

how low can he go!!  he's always sat low since i started showing, which a lot of people told me was a dead giveaway that it was a boy.

the nursery is pretty much set.  i just need to tidy it up once the glider/ottoman comes this week.  everything in the room is just waiting for it's place in the room since i need to figure out where to put the glider.  but here is a peak...

before...

...and after.  i really did not want a nursery that screamed THEME or BLUE or MATCHY MATCHY.  we painted the wall light pool with sage green bed sheet/skirt.  both colors match the softest blanket yumi gave the little guy.  that's pretty much the only colors that match anything in the room.  no jungle, winnie the pooh, or airplane themes. i just wanted to keep it simple and light.  i really wanted a white glider to match the room but ap won that battle - it'll be cherry wood.  he said white glider looked tacky.  what about the entire nursery then!?!

 we got this swing from a family friend as a hand me down.  it was missing the mobile of stars/moon that hung from the top.  helen recently bought the little guy a bunch of finger puppets so i did a little fix to the swing by using the finger puppets for the mobile.  once he outgrows the swing, i'll have to take the little animals out so he can play w/them for what they really are. :)

the car seats are installed and set as instructed (i think...i've questioned ap about 54 times...God bless his patient heart).  the stroller is assembled.  loved how everything was just snapping pieces into place, no tools/screws/bolts required for this thing!

i've been on maternity leave 2 weeks now but feels like 2 months! i was super busy the first week off, putting the new apt and nursery together, shopping for random things, but now - i'm just anxious and don't know what to do w/my time besides catching up on grey's and modern family on demand.

two things i told ap i must eat before i go into labor.  those salad bbangs (sandwich is more like it) at a korean bakery.  haven't had one since like high school!  mama cozza in anaheim.

speaking of eating...maybe i should think twice about the above.  warning - TMI.  for about 3~4 days now, i've been dealing with diarrhea like you wouldn't believe.  i've read that it's common as you get close to labor and it might be a mix of contractions/diarrhea pain.  never experienced real contractions so not sure what they feel like but my diarrhea pain lately feels like hell.  no joke - i get to meet what i ate in the restroom 15 minutes after the meal.  that's not normal.  it's as if my intestines decided to stand up straight.  i'm scared to go anywhere.  not because i'm afraid my water will break but because i don't know when the next d. attack will happen!  last night, we went to go watch the town (loooved it~ developed a slight crush on ben affleck) but i was nervous the entire time that i'd need to get up all of a sudden and bolt to the restroom like my life depended on it.  definitely asking the doc about this on wed.

i think i might have passed the mucus plug.  i thought i saw what looked like it yesterday in the toilet (my one of many trips!) and stared at it forever but couldn't determine what it was.  they say once you pass your mucus plug, you can go into labor within a couple of days.  i guess only time will tell if that really was the mucus plug.

as much as i want this baby to come out asap, i wouldn't mind if he takes his time.  the safest place he can be in is in my womb and the longer he stays in it, the better they say.  as long as he's not like 10 days past due and 10 lbs.  and ap said the other day that he'll miss me being pregnant.  i think i kinda will, too.

7 weeks to go...

thank God this ‘lil guy has some grandparents and aunts who are willing&able to spoil him already because let it be known now – his mama and pops are all about budget! only if we can win the lottery and become billionaires, or just millionaires, the question would be - what can we not buy for him! but having a baby is not cheap and we’re learning that daily as we prepare to welcome the lil one soon. pretty much everything has been purchased/gifted/handed down (mostly gifted) so all we need to do is push this guy out and he’ll have lots of goodies awaiting him. ap’s sister is on a buying frenzy as if she’s having this baby. actually – she does call him her baby. lol. MIL said half of her room was a storage for the baby’s gifts before the shower. she says she’s determined to become the lil guy’s favorite aunt. i think she’s definitely winning that race already so she has nothing to worry about. she calls every day to make sure ap gets the whooping cough vaccine, she’s made appts for her parents to get the shots, she’s gotten him more clothes and toys than everyone else combined. i promised her that i’d remind the lil guy later of all her efforts. :) MIL got us this stroller & a whole lotta jacadi outfits and luxury swaddlers. while I’m extremely grateful, don’t get me wrong, I’m worried. his mom&dad will be dressing him in $5 onesies and shirts. if he thinks how gma dresses him is how his style will be, he can check that fantasy in the womb before he comes out!

stroller, crib, car seat, glider, diaper bags - all are checked.  now, it’s all the little things for the nursery that i'm browsing around for. and boy do those things add up too! geez! i purchased a couple of things from etsy so far but am going to hold off on everything else I’ve eyed until he’s here. These were too adorable (and on sale) to pass up!

i have a picture in my head of what i want the nursery to look like but until i start putting it together, i don’t think it’s very smart to just buy everything just because “it’s cute!”. we weren’t going to have a nursery for him when we bring him home from the hospital since we’re in a 1 bdrm right now, but plans have changed recently. we were given an opportunity to move into a 2brdm for a kick-ass price at the end of this month that we just could not pass on. it’s highly unlikely the pricing would be the same come february, and we really need the extra space like now, so we’re moving in 3 weeks, the weekend i start my leave~ can't wait!  that’ll give me 3~4 weeks to get his nursery ready. i think we’ll move first and set up his furniture & arrangement before i purchase any more décor items. otherwise, ap will hang himself, seriously. ap has taken it upon himself to do some accent walls in the new apt. i really want to help because i’ve always wanted to paint! i know – that sounds ridiculous but whenever i see those home depot commercials w/women painting their walls – it looks so fun! he says i shouldn’t help him because of the paint smell but I think if I wear a mask, i’ll be fine. no?

as for the name game. i’ve won! it was a hard fought battle, but I knew i’d pull through. ap’s too nice to ever not let me win in the end. :p. it came down to 1 thing. he said i can name our child if i ate pho just once w/him. believe me, you’d think i’d jump at the chance cuz it sounds easy enough right? uh, not when you’re me! asking me to eat pho is like asking anyone else to eat oh, I don’t know…a cockroach! i lashed out asking why he’d want to torture me! does he take pleasure in seeing his wife suffer? but I did it.

and honestly, it wasn’t like eating cockroach, fine. but it was still pretty darn gross. but oh so worth it! we have a name!!!

he laughs now...

The all-day childbirth class was not as bad as I expected. I was worried it’ll be instructed by someone boring and 7 hours will just drag. But our instructor was hilarious, honest, and although I had read/heard most of the info that was shared , it was nice to actually see videos and photos and share questions amongst other mommies and daddies-to-be. Although, I did catch ap about to drift off to la la land during one of the video presentations. So I thought I’d test him on the way back:


Me: you so didn’t pay attention to anything did you?

Ap: yes I did!

Me: so what do you call that very first supply of breastmilk that comes out?

Ap: super milk!

Well…I guess he’s not entirely incorrect.


I thought I’d test him again that night while watching Julie&Julia, during the part where they were talking about the publishing company’s name:

Me: ugh, my stomach hurts!

Ap: oh! It’s those false contractions we learned about today. (YOU learned about it today; I knew already before!)

Me: what is it called???

Ap: houghton mifflin! ( it’s a publisher’s name metioned in the movie!)

Me: lol. WHAT?

Ap: Barack Obama contractions!

Me: (by now, I was rolling on the couch holding my belly, not from the “barack obama” contractions but from laughing so hard.  pretty sure braxton hicks at least wouldn't be offended to be referred to as barack obama)


The instructor was teaching us various breathing and pushing techniques, telling us to “hee hee hoo” or “hee hee hee hoo” while we held our knees back, and telling the dads to count “one, two, three…ten” while holding us from the back. Ap took the whole thing way too seriously (or NOT so seriously), yelling “one, two, three…” in my ear while I’m cracking up. he kept saying “push, push, push, push…” like I was really in labor! I told him to stop playing around. He said he was trying to make light of the situation and that he’s really going to be that funny during the real thing so that I don’t focus on the pain. I told him I will punch him if that was the real deal.


It hasn’t been an easy road to get here, and even after reaching all the milestones I thought were not possible for me, I haven’t been the easiest preggo to deal with.  With all my mood swings, cravings at the funkiest hours of the day/night, fickleness, complaints and rants, crying and bitch fests, looking more and more like oompa loompa every day, fears I’m never going to look pre-preggo again (which I’m sure he fears, too although he says he doesn’t) – my husband has been the most supportive and loving partner. The road to today was difficult but will help us to be better parents, painful but humbling, and long but worth every minute. Without ap’s constant optimism and assuring words and hugs, I would’ve thrown in the towel a long time ago. And yes, even if he does end up poking jokes during real labor, he might end up w/a black eye, but he’ll make the best dad in the world.

8 more weeks!

I never slept 8 hours a night before. My usual sleep schedule was 11:30 (after the 11pm news) ~ 6:30. Now, my alarm still goes off at 6:00 but it would take a Tsunami to get me up by 6:30. I cannot for the life of me get out of bed until the clock shows 7:45 now. That’s over 8 hours of sleep now. And to make it worse – I’m still tired and sleepy by 2:00pm in my cubicle. Sometimes I wish my cubicle had a door so I can just shut the door lean back in my comfy chair and knock out for a power nap. Not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but our office actually has a “relaxation/nap” room with massage chairs and magazines, dimmed lighting, the whole shebang. But I’m so pooped by the time I realize I’m sleepy that I can’t even get out of my chair to go take a nap in this room. In fact, the only thing that keeps me awake in the afternoon is the lil one squirming and kicking around in my belly. He’s a lifesaver. He wants to make sure mommy doesn’t get caught w/her head bobbled back and drooling.

So yes. Third tri is kicking my butt. I am exhausted. I feel heavy. I am anxious. I am hot. Ap the other day said he can feel the heat of my body just by putting his hand like 5 inches away from me. But he’s a prince. Still manages to pull me up/off the couch cuz I can’t get up/off of it myself unless I roll off, although I’m sure he’d like to use mittens to do so. Ap freezes in the middle of the night cuz I have the ac on full blast at like 70 degrees otherwise I can’t sleep. This explains why I have this head cold and sore throat but I’d rather fight thru the cold than sweat myself to sleep only to wake up every hour because i’m so hot. Is this what menopause will be like too? Eeek!

The shower was 2 Saturdays ago. I have not figured out how to use our new dslr to upload pics yet so no pictures to share yet. Although, there really aren’t much to share because someone, don’t know who, deleted almost all the pictures. I’m not even going to get into this story. I’ve cried hysterically 3 days straight already so I’m not even going to go there again. Whoever committed the crime is darn lucky though. I was telling my friends at work that what makes me most upset is not the lost pictures but the fact that whoever did it didn’t have the decency or balls to fess up about it. my friends looked at me like “are you kidding?” and said “well hello! Who WOULD fess up to you especially while you’re preggo? They don’t want to die!”. Although we only have a couple of photos that were salvaged from the cruel annihilation (really, I’m so over it!), the shower was so fun and amazing. Ap and his friend catered the entire menu. sis/sil did an amazing job putting the games, decoration together. Our parents had a ton of fun hanging out together in their own corner. All the kids loved the rice krispy favors and the little water fountain. And so many people walked away with awesome prizes and hours of laughter. And no ‘park’ family event is complete without playing bingo! I just can’t wait to go on my leave next month to organize all the gifts and bags of clothes for the lucky guy. He won’t have a nursery until he’s about 4 mos and I feel so guilty about it, but we’re doing what’s practical and sensible so I’m sure he’ll understand. And really – he’ll be 1~3mos old – will he even remember that his mom&dad didn’t bring him home to a nursery?

I met the pediatrician last night for a consult. I loved her. She’s a strong woman. Gotta love that. She kinda reminded me of meredith’s mom on grey’s anatomy. Not in that bitchy way but just how she talked about going through med school back in the days w/men who always had the upper hand which is one of the reasons why she went into pediatrics. She saw innocence in children that adults don’t have. They didn’t judge her. And she loves that she sees youth and beauty every day she said. The parents are young and the kids are beautiful.

Tomorrow is our birth class. We opted for the full day class instead of 4 weekday evening classes for 4 weeks. I just hope I don’t fall asleep by the 4th hour tomorrow. I feel like I’ve read and heard just about everything I can on birth and labor but I’m sure I’m in for a surprise tomorrow. I just hope whatever they feed us for lunch is not some nasty sandwich or pizza. I wouldn’t mind if they gave us Hoag’s food cuz I heard how great it tastes. But still it’s hospital food…how good can it possibly be? I’m for sure taking my own snacks/food to take for labor/recovery in case Hoag’s food just doesn’t cut it for me and I don’t want ap running out every 2 hours for mcdonalds.

checklist

I have yet to start a checklist for the arrival of our baby boy. And I normally love checklists. But here is my very first checklist for this pregnancy.

Things I must bring to the hospital:

• modelo especial 6 pack
• claro’s mortadella, capicolla and soppresetta sandwich
• yellowtail, halibut, albocore
• hot dog w/extra mustard
• keane's coffee.  Extra caffeinated
• modelo.  did i mention that already?

Yes. All the things I’ve been deprived of these last 7+ months. I want to devour all of them the second this baby pops out. I’m chugging a bottle or two of modelo as the doctor takes out my placenta and stitches me up. and i’ll need that modelo when she stitches me up! What about breatfeeding you ask? The baby needs to get a head start in life. He’ll appreciate a little bit of modelo too I’m sure, if he’s anything like his mother.

Ok, all kidding aside. I’m CRAVING beer. Italian deli meat. And real coffee. I’m sick of the decaf crap. Son, if you ever read this. Know that mama has the tiniest self-control known to any man on earth. yet she’s endured these last 7+ months w/out the food she loves the most. Isn’t she the greatest mother in the world?

On a different and all serious pregnancy note (I was serious about being the greatest mother in the world) – I think my maternity leave date is set for 9/24. I say I think because I know it won’t be any sooner than that unless some complication arises from now until then, but from what doctor sees, everything’s going fine. She said as long as I’m not spotting, in unusual pain, and the baby’s kicks & movements are consistent, there’s no need for concern. I’m seeing her every 2 weeks now so I’m sure she’ll know every time she sees me. I know it won’t be any later than 9/24 because the doctor’s said she normally takes moms out at 36 weeks. So I’m sticking to 9/24. I’m gonna stick my foot in my mouth later for saying this, but I kinda like work these days so a part of me wants to work as far into my pregnancy as I can. We’re super busy lately with rates being historically low but my pregnancy has made work less stressful. I know – sounds weird but I’d consciously made the effort to not let work stress me out when I got pregnant. So ever since, I’ve come to work and actually enjoyed doing my job. I think the baby’s made me a happier, calmer person. I don’t want to tell my clients off anymore. Surprise! Well, 9/24 it is though. Told my boss already and date’s penciled in on her calendar. These little things make it all so official. I never thought I’d get here. And now that I am here, I have no clue what I’m supposed to do next. I don’t have a checklist started yet, that’s why! I think right about now is a good time to start one.

the name game

2nd trimester is just about wrapping up. 3rd timester is approaching and it's bittersweet. i'm super duper excited of course to get closer to my due date and meet the 'lil guy. but i'm also nervous and sad.  nervous because 2nd trimester was such a breeze and i know 3rd trimester won't be as easy (i almost wouldn't have known/felt i was pregnant these last 3 months unless the scale kept reminding me).  sad because i know these next 3 months will be the very last 3 months of just the two of us - ap & me. i was a wreck during the1st trimester. i wasn't enjoying the pregnancy due to the constant nerves and worries and impatience. those 3 months seemed to just drag! then i had an epiphany. i decided, no matter what happens, i was going to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy because this was the last time ap and i would be alone. we'll never get these days back. ever! ever since, it's been easy peasy. but i know these next couple of months will be uncomfortable and again, my impatience will try to get the best of me. but i have to remind myself to indulge every minute of it. because it'll never come around again.

the time has come. we need to name this child. at the rate we're going, he'll be born as "bang bang" (as my coworkers call him) or "baby". boring. the first question people ask these days is "do you guys have a name?". i never thought this question would make me so uncomfortable. i always thought naming our baby will be the most fun part. uh...NOT! we've grazed the point of World War III in our home since we found out it was a boy. we were set all set on a girl's name which is why i was so sure it was going to be a girl. then we saw the little wee wee and i thought - oh crap - the name! i like modern, unisex names. ap likes traditional (boring) names. i'd rather pluck every nail off my toes (as nene on r.h.o.a. describes it) than name my son francis, stewart, or george. GEORGE! i don't know what goes through ap's head when he suggets such names! i love peyton, liam, bradyn. i was watching the tlc special 'bakery bunch' the other day (based on a bakery right here in fullerton! hello! how cool is that!) and the couple's triplet have the cutest names - adler, conlan, gennaro! ok, maybe not the last one. but adler is an adorable name! ap said no before i could even finish the sentence. and i've even offered to go the traditional route by suggesting henry. another reject by ap. i've suggested just about every name on the following list of 2008's most popular baby names:

1. Aiden

2. Jayden

3. Ethan

4. Jacob

5. Caden

6. Jackson

7. Noah

8. Jack

9. Logan

10. Matthew

11. Nicholas

12. Ryan

13. Brayden

14. Michael

15. Gavin

16. Dylan

17. Lucas

18. Caleb

19. Andrew

20. Connor

all with the exception of 1, he's rejected. well, that and a couple of these names are already in the family so i cannot use anyway. had the first question to each other when we first met in december 2003 been "what names are you thinking of for your son?", there would've never been a first date. i would've walked away the second he mouthed the name george. so we've narrowed it down to 2 names. and believe me, it wasn't easy. one of the names is what we both actually liked and even agreed to name our future son when we were dating.  it was perfect back then but now that he is actually in my body, i haven't been as enthusiastic about it.  reality is so different from fantasy.  the other name is actually one of the names on the above list.  we decided to keep them to ourselves and decide on our own without anybody's opinions and inputs. i'm easily persuaded/influenced so telling others and hearing their opnions might be disasturous and put us back to point zero w/no name. we're leaning 90% towards one name than the other but every other day, a million things about the name runs through my head. i mean - our child's entire life is dependent on this single decision we make for him! ap sticks to his decision and runs with it, whereas i am the indecisive, second-guessing freak. our shower is about a month away and i just know i'll get the same question asked 25 times all day. how will i deflect them? gosh, i hate awkward questions and situations! and i'd feel rude to say "oh, we're not sharing the name until he's born. next question?" ok. that's just the english name. i'm praying his korean naming process is much smoother.

as for the 'lil guy - he assures me everyday that he's healthy with his routine kicks and turns. feeling those kicks are the highlights of my day. the doctor has given me a chart to start counting his kicks starting week 28. i've already started charting mentally and have figured his routine out somewhat. he's definitely most active at nights and early mornings so i'm already preparing myself for long nights/mornings!

the perfect onsie

i've never seen ap so disappointed. :) i ordered this from baby gap the other day and it came yesterday.

i got it to bust ap's chops of course this winter when football season rolls around & his lil boy is representin' his arch rival indi. but i also got it because i have a crush on peyton manning. our baby can't possibly be a fan of every team his father roots for. c'mon.  ap's not even a laker fan. so no, siding w/daddy in sports will not work in our family. but i do get a head start by having our baby wear this during indi vs ne game this coming season! ap's threatened to return it or burn it. you can only imagine how well my suggestion of the baby's name 'peyton' went over with ap. sigh~ names...that's a whole different animal in our house these days.

i have to say baby girl clothes are so much cuter and more fun to shop for. of course i'm biased because i'm a girl myself. but even when you walk into baby gap or gymboree, there are more selections for girls than boys and those pink dresses catch my eye more than the blue onsies. it's so hard to choose boy's clothes cuz some of them are just down right cheesy & not what i'd want my baby to be seen in. i guess in a way this is a good thing. the limited selection has kept me from losing control & buying everything in sight.

i was so good about shopping for the past like 2 years until i hit about 18 weeks of pregnancy. Not only did my normal pants no longer fit at that poin but I also opened the baby clothes flood gates as I started to believe more and more this is really happening and baby is healthy. Now, i can't stop browsing around for maternity and baby clothes on sale. Key word - SALE. i used to think oh perfect, I can wear my leggings throughout my pregnancy but oh boy was I wrong. i ended up getting maternity leggings and omg they are the greatest invention next to maternity jeans. i really don't know if i can let go of them even after the baby comes. i also can't wear my favorite undies from A/E. those superman undies are just so comfy but they're not so friendly when you're 18+ weeks preggo. best bet are the lace end undies from V/S. in fact, old navy has some similar lace band undies but V/S ones are definitely much more comfy.  unlike the tight band of A/E undies, the lace band undies are so forgiving of my growing body. it hit me last week that we have a weddig to go to next weekend and i can no longer depend on just wearing one of my normal dresses in the closet. pea in a pod had a great sale the other day so i picked out a dress i'd normally wear even if i wasn't pregnant. lets be honest, some maternity dresses are just hideous so i wanted something i can pull off even w/out the bump.

we'll be heading down to sd this sunday for a short day trip. we've been dying to try the famous pizzeria luigi since it was featured on triple d. our friends also raved about it so yes, we're driving 80 miles for pizza. unfortunately, we can't stay overnight since we're having a bbq tomorrow and i think i'll come in the office to get some work on done on monday. working on a holiday off is never fun but what's worse are piles and piles of work to be done after a long weekend. hopefully i won't gain 10 lbs from the weekend's bbq and luigi's.

eating for two

i bought a scale a couple of weeks ago. only because the dr recommended i get one. i've never been one to have a scale at home. i never really counted calories, grams of whatever, or reguarly weighed myself. now really, not because i did'nt have to. only because i'm too lazy to do anything extra than just eat or diet. but when you've gained 20 lbs in just 20 weeks of pregnancy - RED FLAG! i think i almost put my dr in cardiac arrest during last visit. i had gained whopping 9 lbs in just 4 weeks. it's not like i particularly ate more since i got knocked up but i think now, fat's literally just going right to different parts of my body whereas before, it never found its way there or if it did, did very slowly. to be honest, i think i'm carrying 15 of those extra 20 lbs in my OO's. i swear my baby's growing in my OO's, not my belly.

today's my dr appt and i think the dr will be (somewhat) proud. i've only gained 3 lbs since 4 weeks ago vs. 9 previous 4 weeks. i have the scale at home but don't even really use it. it just collects dust in my bathroom. if i've gained 23 lbs in 23 weeks, i'm on track to gain 40 lbs when the baby comes. woohoo! can't wait to take 18 minutes just to roll out of bed, 57 minutes in the shower and 2 hours to walk up to our apt from my car!

surprisingly, 3 lbs only. considering how much i pigged out in vegas last week. ap and i took a much needed vaca and i accomplished everything i wanted to during our relatively long trip. we leisurely shopped (the outlet in vegas is amazing) and got some adorable baby clothes, even stocked up on some christmas gifts so we don't have to worry later, and ap scored on a pair of shoes he's been eyeing. went to a buffet and did my normal 4 hours. got a couple's massage. bet on 14 and 24 and won which never happens! and ate gelato every day. we stayed at vdara half of the vaca and palazzo the other half.  we're not going back for a very long time so it was nice to just indulge for a little bit. i'm thinking all the walking i did in vegas did the trick in keeping the gain at 3 lbs.

i can feel myself getting heavier but most importantly, it's harder to clean the house. ap's been amazing and doing most of the chores because i just can't bend, scrub, wipe around the apt as easily. we seriously need to tidy up and reorganize the apt & make room for the baby soon before i get any more immobile. although we'll only stay where we are for a few months after the baby comes, i think it's only fair we give the little guy some closet & living space.

the baby has been the greatest blessing of many God's shown us, and he's already such a good son to mommy. i haven't had the normal PITA pregnancy effects - the consitipation, breakouts, heartburn, strech mark, back aches. knock on wood though cuz i know i'm only a little over halfway there. i guess the extra 23 lbs makes up for the lack of all other symptoms though. haha.

game 3...

i would like to give myself all the credit for the lakers' win last night. ap came home from his tuesday basketball game during halftime. we were up by 12. and then what happens? that 12 point lead was shaved down to 0 eventually in the 3rd quarter. i always say this to ap but i think lakers just don't play well when he's watching the game with me! i asked ap to leave the house. i know. what a terrible wife. he thought was was joking. no...i'm being serious...can you please just leave for like 5 minutes? he asked if he can just go to the bedroom instead. well, he ended up staying where he was because i got focused back into the game instead of convincing him of my extremely rational request. he ended up in a position where he was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch. 4th quarter. 3 minutes left. he decides to come sit next to me on the couch. NO! please! go back to the exact position you were sitting in. the lakers played some defense when you were in that position.

i'm surprised he hasn't hung himself by now.

so yes, my conviction in ap's positioning in our home made lakers beat boston last night. that and derek fisher.

lazy man's heaven.

i went to jjeem jeer bang for the first time today.  the trip was with my sisters and their husband/bf.  ulrich called the place "a lazy man's heaven".  i couldn't agree more.  i didn't get it.  what's the hype about a huge (and a little stinky, if you ask me) room full of people just lying around either sleeping or watching tv?  isn't that what oh, i don't know...your HOME is for?

we had free tickets, thanks to my easy-sale mother, and they expire at the end of this month, so we wanted to check it out.  the best part of it all for me was the shaved ice we shared.  i didn't try the various sauna rooms, so maybe i shouldn't be so quick to judge.  i'm glad ap didn't go.  he would've hated it.  he hates lying around just doing nothing at home and gets bored easily, so i can't imagine him doing that with 100 strangers in the same room!  i have 5 more tickets left so we decided to go back again next monday.  this time, i think it'll be a little more entertaining for me since we decided to take some facial packs, mags and games.  we were such newbies today and didn't know better. 

i am so not looking forward to work this week.  well, not that i ever do any week, but especially this week.  we have 8 days of training since we have now officially taken over countrywide and their processes/systems.  but at the end of the next 1~2 weeks are some very exciting days for us so i'm just gonna tread through these next several days and try not to lose my sanity.

i heart charles...

the lakers opened a can of whoop ass on the suns these last 2 games. now, if only they can play like that the rest of the playoffs. whenever i watch laker games, i always notice the same things and wonder these same things:

• 
  
  there is this one asian ajooma who sits courtside with a white lady every. single. game! they're on the side jack sits. hmmm...what do they do? they're always there.
• 
  
  the coaches in their snazzy what appears to be zegna or armani suits hug their players after the game. uh...do they dry clean these suits after every game? what a waste! they just sit there for 3 hours at most and have to dry clean after one game? i always think when they hug "uugh - the sweat!"
• 
  
  i know there are reporters in the lockers after the games...what about the female reporters?
• 
  
  how come the staples center is so dark compared to other arenas? other arenas, you can actually see the fans. ap thinks it's a "hollywood" thing. i think it's just another reason they call laker fans boring and unenthusiastic. we can't see them!
• 
  
  if i saved $5 each day for a year, i could probably afford a playoff courtside seat. or maybe not. and i wouldn't want to go alone so it'll be $10/day. ugh. nevermind.
• 
  
  where's khloe sitting?

honestly, what i enjoy more than the game itself or checking out the fans is watching tnt's inside the nba. more specifically charles barkley. he is undoubtedly the funniest man on television, unless russell peters is on comedy central or hbo. after watching last night's inside the nba edition, i youtube'd all charles barkely clips. i'm just about borderline obsessed. haha. did you know he's blacker than snoop dogg?

can you tell - i pay more attention to things that have nothing to do with the game itself?

on a very depressing note...i tried on the bridesmaid dress again last night (I've been trying it on every 3 weeks or so just to make sure), and uh oh....i almost peeled off the skin on my thumb trying to zip that sucker up! and did i mention, the wedding's next weekend?  

it zipped up - i just can't breathe. i'm just praying there is no wardrobe malfunction next week! i was about to text the bride to tell her about my dress ordeal but stopped dead in my track because i didn't want to freak her out. what bride wants to know 1 week before the wedding that one of her bridesmaids will need an oxygen mask the entire day of her wedding? yea, i think i'll just stick with starving myself 36 hours before the wedding.

dads, grads and the newlyweds

beginning of each year is always hectic of me, hence the 5 month hiatus!  it's crazy how after one holiday or birthday, another one hits you like a train again. my sisters and i always wondered how amazingly our parents timed our births to be right around the same time of the year. i think it has a lot to do with my father working abroad seasonally and coming home certain months of the year only. obviously, they were busy during the summers. can you blame them? after months of being apart and seeing each other on hot sunny sticky korean afternoons when my mother was probably wearing a slinky summer dress? ok, yea, that's my parents and my imagination stops right there!

luckily, ap's family's birthdays are pretty spread apart so it allows us to take a breather before that train hits us again. but summers - oh the summers! may/june probably falls under the busiest months. just when family birthdays all packed in from jan-april are done and over with, moms, dads, grads and the newlyweds await us starting in may. i think i found my one stop shop with etsy though. what did i ever do before etsy came along? birthdays, check. graduation, check. moms/dads/babies, check check check!  these are on my list of i-want-to-buy:

i think my breathing room will come in july & august when ap and i are hoping to take a vaca. for one thing, our wallet will not be as busy although we'll need to prep for ap's bday and the holidays that follow! a summer getaway is always nice though. but let me go on record and say i will not be sporting a slinky summer dress on a hot sticky day. i'm sure my mother pulled it off better than i would this summer!