labor and delivery was so much easier than i had expected. i seriously psyched myself out so much during the last few days of pregnancy, preparing myself for the worst possible pain and torture known to mankind. but yes, labor was painful at 5cm dilation until i asked for epidural. smooooth sailing from there on! i slept through most of the labor after that since i got the epidural at 11pm and delivered owen 11am the next morning. i only had to push 4 times so the delivery was definitely short and sweet, which i thought was going to be a hellish experience. in fact, it was one of the most amazing, lets-do-that-again sort of experience. can't even describe in words what those 10 minutes of pushing to having owen in my arms felt like. the nurse was more concerned about ap than me, giving him an oxygen mask and a chair since she really thought he was going to pass out.
now l&d was easy. what wasn't so fun nor easy was what unfolded 24 hours later. it's an experience no parent should ever go through and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone. ap and i have been through some traumatic, heartbreaking experiences together but nothing can compare to what we went through the first few days of Owen's life. but looking back at that night dr. bixby rushed us to choc for what they thought owen needed was an emergency surgery, it is a miracle to be where we are today.
Owen is now almost 7 weeks old and we just got word today that his surgery is scheduled for Jan 7th. Owen has been gaining weight, nursing, pooping (surprisingly, given his condition) very well. there was a stretch of days when he did not pass stool on his own but lately, he's been amazing! i cannot believe how strong, brave the lil guy is. we're so thankful to have caught owen's condition of hirschprung's early so he doesn't have to suffer through childhood only to have the surgery later in his life, when he'll remember the pain and discomfort. i thank God for giving me the maternal instinct to press for answers at hoag when i just knew something wasn't right even when everyone else, including the pediatrician, brushed it of as gas. i don't like to think "it could've been worse", because we have seen what "worse" is in other newborns during those 10 long, grueling days in the nicu. i told myself then that i'm not going to thank god that owen isn't like some of those other babies, because that's not fair to those other precious babies and their parents. i just thank god that owen's still with us and pray for every single baby on that floor.
Owen - daddy and i are so grateful. grateful that you are our child. grateful that you are with us in our home. grateful that despite all of this, you are such a good, calm, gentle baby who is not fussy as you should be with such an upset belly. thank you for choosing us to be your parents. God couldn't have given us a better baby. despite the little obstruction in your tummy, to us, you are perfect the way you are. you have changed our lives in more ways than anyone can imagine. not only because we are now parents but the past 7 weeks have taught us more life lessons than the prior 30+ years. all the things in life that we cared about before combined are so minute compared to the importance of your health and our family of three now. it hurts us so much to watch you go through this, but because of this, we experience greater joy in watching you grow, having you in our lives. it makes us appreciate and love you and each other even more.
God has His Hands in everything. i'm ashamed to admit that i recognize that only when things like this happen to slap me silly. it's painful but truly humbling to experience the road bumps in our lives that God lays out and orchestrates.
here are some photos of owen! and a passage i came across recently so poignant and heartfelt, hitting close to home for us...
“I hear religious minded people say all the time with good intentions. ‘God will never place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it.’
Really?
My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him.
‘My power is made perfect in your weakness,’ He says, as we strain under our burden.
Whatever the burden, it might indeed get worse, but know this-God is faithful. And while we change and get old, He does not. When we get weaker, He remains strong. And in our weakness and humility, He offers us true, lasting, transforming, and undeserved grace.”
-Greg Lucas
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| he's probably like 5 minutes old here :) |
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| i never knew babies can clasp their hands like this, too! he's praying~ |
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| hip hop owen w/mommy (man, i look exhausted!) |
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| owen in the nicu. choc staff is just amazing! |
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| ap took this picture - owen loves touching his face when he sleeps! his u/s picture at 20 weeks showed the same pose. |
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